sunday_reveries - Be better than you were yesterday

[manythorned]

There were motivational signs all over the facility. "Be cheerful!" "Be respectful!" "Be the best me I can be!" Those and similar mantras were what Rose learned to tell herself every day until it became almost second nature. She could be better if she just made herself be.

For three years she worked hard, doing everything Dr. Chritlow wanted her to. She wrote in her journal. She helped tend the gardens outside. Gradually, they decreased her medications she was improving so much. She was going to be written about in a book. She was going to get out and live a real life. All because she was able to take her bad feelings, her negative thoughts, her violent impulses and push them away. Lock them up inside a room in her head and never let them out.

(LocKed Up. leFt to FesteR aNd seEthE anD GRow, PusHing bACk HardEr aNd HarDeR. AnD it'S noT JUst a rOOM AnymOrE. WE reModeLleD. nEeDEd mOrE sPaCE. lOts oF exIts NOw And YoU neVEr Know WhICh oNE is OpeN...)

Just like that, everything was ruined. Rose wasn't going anywhere, not yet. All because she wasn't strong enough. She hadn't worked hard enough. She wasn't better. But she would be.

It took three more years before Rose got another chance at freedom and this time, she succeeded. She was eighteen now and Siamare wasn't for adults. Still, they could have sent her to another facility, but they didn't. Rose knew that was because she was better now. She was cheerful, respectful. She was the best Rose she could be.

(ToO baD THat'S noT GOod eNouGH.)